| |
Here are a few old time classics, all very groan inducing, however they are a great amount of fun, and staples of a fun filled childhood.
As an adult you will be expected to sit through these performances, but they really are a whole lot of fun.
You can either print direct from here of cut and paste over into word.
.......................................................................................................................
Is It Time Yet?
Requirements
Four or five people and a Watch
Description:
Sit in a row on a bench, or line up some chairs with their right leg crossed. The person at the end of the bench says to the person beside him "Is it time yet?" That person says the same to the next person, who says it to the next person until the message gets to the last person on the other side of the bench. That person checks his/her watch and says "No" to the person beside him and then that person says it to the next person until it gets to the last person. Repeat 2 more times and then 1 more time but instead of the person saying no the person says "Yes!" and everyone switches over there legs!
Groan... A True Skit Classic!
.......................................................................................................................
Making Eggs
This one is Rachel's favourite, performed thousands of times as a child with her sisters. Feel sorry for her parents.
Description
You will need actors for the following roles:
Director
Actor 1
Actor 2
Doctor
Sound person
Light person
Camera operator
The camera and lights people can be removed if there are not enough children to fill the roles.
Requirements
1 Bowl
1 wooden spoon or a large spoon
1 Flash light
The Skit:
Director: Hello everyone, I am making a movie in which I am planning to be an award winning movie with these three actors
All three actors walk out...
OK, now you all know you lines?
Actor 1 and 2: Yeah, I think so (looks around like not knowing the lines)
Director: OK, camera's ready.
Camera Man: Yeah
Director: Lights, ready?
Light Man: A okay here .
Director: Sound, ready?
Soundman: Yeah, picking up everything just fine.
Director: OK...ACTION!!!
Actor 1: (walks in to room and walks up to Actor 2)what are you doing
Actor 2: Makin eggs
Actor 1: Let me try some
Actor 2: Well, they're not done, but if you want some it is ok with me.
Actor 1: (takes spoon and makes it look like he is tasting the eggs)
Oh my gosh, these eggs are disgusting.(falls to floor acting dead)
Actor 2: (act like picking up phone) DOCTOR! DOCTOR! Come quick, there is an emergancy! (then acts like he hangs up phone)
Doctor: (enters room) what seems to be the problem?
Actor 2: He tried some of my eggs.
Doctor: ( checks out Actor 1) He's dead.
Actor 2: Dead?!
Director: CUT.. that is the worst I've ever seen do it again but more....
This is where it gets really silly, the director uses all kinds of adjectives like faster, slower, happier or sadder you can add your own, and the actors do it completely over the top. You could also theme the 'takes' so the actors do it like a pirate, or aliens, or infomercial presenters.
After a few more takes (any more than 5 can be a bit repetitive)
Director: That was great, now Cameras did you get that?
Camera man: hmmmm....i ran out of film
(Camera man runs off being chased by the other cast)
.......................................................................................................................
The Make-up skit
This skit doesn't have to be done with makeup... any routine will do... such as getting ready in the morning, or a mock cooking show.
It is pretty basic... one person sits on a bench while a partner hides behind them. The person's arms are behind them, and the partner inserts their arms under the first persons' arms. In other words, the person on the bench is doing the routine without the use of their arms.
It is the partner who performs all of the actions even though they cannot see. So, for instance the partner applies lipstick and eye shadow and powder and all kinds of make up. The person on the bench acts like they know what they are doing. Talking about what they want to do next and where they are going and perhaps making excuses for why they are getting the makeup all over their face.
The purpose is mostly to make a mess of the actor which kids, and the parents watching always seem to appreciate.
|
|
Fart Zen
A profoundly stupid play that appeals to childrens obsession with toilet humour.
Cast of characters:
(Three or more actors, any gender)
STEPH: Stressed out business woman (can be a man STEVE).
MASTER: Fart-Zen master who teaches relaxation techniques.
PUPIL: There can be one PUPIL or a dozen. Very flexible.
The Play:
(Lights come up on a studio that is a cross between a yoga and karate studio. PUPILS are dressed in white and are in various strange positions in a state of meditation. Each PUPIL has a small box next to them. NOTE: There can be one PUPIL or a dozen. The Fart-Zen MASTER stands before them also in a state of meditation. STEPH enters. STEPH is in a business suit with her hair up. Everything about her scream tension. She stops worried she has interrupted them)
STEPH: Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you were in the middle of a session. I'll come back.
MASTER: No, please enter. All are welcome here.
STEPH: Hello, I'm Stephanie Miller.
(Pulls out a business card and gives it to the MASTER. STEPH turns and looks at PUPILS. MASTER tosses card carelessly)
STEPH: I was referred here by my doctor. She says I've got way too much stress in my life and she prescribed some relaxation exercises. Your Fart-Zen school comes highly recommended for it's success in relieving all kinds of stress and anxiety disorders.
(STEPH has been pacing nervously. MASTER stops her)
MASTER: It is said "far-zen".
STEPH: Oh... so sorry. T is silent. Got it. Kind of like Mozart but the opposite. He must have taken your T sound.
MASTER: Perhaps. Pupils. Assume position... Ichi.
(PUPILS all shift into a similar position and all fart as they do so. NOTE: The farting will most likely will have to be done with a recording unless you have some really talented farters in the cast STEPH looks at them in disgust but MASTER says nothing)
MASTER: So what is the source of your tension?
STEPH: Huh? Oh, work I guess.
MASTER: You seem distracted.
STEPH: Ever since I got this promotion, I've been a total air head.
MASTER: Position Ni!
(PUPILS shift again to a new position and fart more)
STEPH: Are they okay?
MASTER: They are reaching a state of advanced relaxation.
(To PUPILS)
MASTER: Refuel!
(PUPILS sit by their boxes and pull out various things to consume such as bean burritos, soda, broccoli, apples, milk, cheese, etc.)
STEPH: Wait a minute. What is exactly the whole idea here?
MASTER All tension is something that is within you: Stress becomes bottled up and new stress makes it all shaken and builds inside you. If you have to way to relieve that stress, then it grows until it becomes unhealthy and even painful. Is your tension causing you pain?
STEPH: It does. I get these panic attacks... I swear I was having a heart attack.
MASTER: And one day you may unless you have a proper way to expel the demon which festers within.
(To PUPILS)
MASTER: Prepare for the next position!
(PUPILS rush excitedly and get themselves set)
MASTER: Position San!
(PUPILS bend in various positions and there is a some serious farting)
STEPH: Oh, man!
(The smell is too much for STEPH and she covers her mouth)
MASTER: We must all reach a state of perfect relaxation. But only the Fert-zen master can achieve such a perfect state through repeated practice. The goal of all Fert-zen students is to reach position Shi.
PUPILS: Show us, Master. Show us position Shi.
STEPH: No, that's okay... I...
MASTER: Prepare for position Shi.
(PUPILS all clear floor and wait excitedly as MASTER gets in a strange position. Long pause. Suddenly the fart comes quietly then builds and gets stronger. The PUPILS are in ecstasy. STEPH leaves in disgust. The fart grows and lights fade to black. The fart builds and then stops. Then continues after a moment almost explosively. The PUPILS clap. Wait for silence from audience and then a little fart then comes again just to finish it off. Wait for silence again. Slight pause)
PUPIL: You are the master.
END OF PLAY
|